May 2022: M is for mothers

I’m sending this newsletter out on May 1: International Bereaved Mother’s Day. Many people who subscribe to this newsletter have a child (or two) that have died, and May is an exceptionally difficult month. I’m with you. I’m thinking of you and sending strength and love as you remember your child and the special kind of motherhood they blessed you with, and continue to bless you with.

I believe that motherly love is at the heart of everything: every newborn babe, every sapling tree, every ray of sunshine on a glistening creek, and every stone that gives shelter to beetles beneath. Motherly love is simply one that nurtures and protects and allows others to shine. I wish you all a May filled with motherly love.

April recap

Since my son died, more than ever before, I’ve been astounded by the power that mothers have when working together to make the world a better place. In April, I had the honour of speaking with Lelsie McBain, a founding member of Moms Stop The Harm, about how to channel grief into advocacy. Leslie is a woman of grace and wisdom, fierceness and determination; all of which she puts towards changing laws that will save lives, and change the world. If you’re thinking about how to use your grief to do good, you’ll want to watch it for yourself!

Thinking about ways to take action, when the world is so badly in need of so many things, can seem overwhelming. I think the most important thing is to do something. I wrote an article about that: When “not enough” is good enough.

As always, my conversations with many of you on Facebook, Instagram, and twitter have lifted me up and cheered me on, and I thank every one of you!

Coming up in May… and June, and July, and then… we’ll see.

I’m taking a break from all social media and newsletter writing for the next few months so I can focus my energy on another round of revisions for the memoir I’ve been writing. I wish I could do it all, but I just can’t. I will be back online as soon as I can: Maybe August. Maybe October. Maybe next January. We’ll see.

Podcast update

Kimiko and I continue to work on our podcast, On life’s terms: conversations about family, addiction, and healing. We’re learning as we go, and one thing we’ve learned is that everything takes time. As we both have busy lives, the podcast will also be on hiatus this summer.

When "not enough" is good enough

I’m a busy person. I do a lot of things. I even do a lot of things for other people, including a few for causes that are important to me, my community, and the world. And I always have. So why have I felt so damned lazy? Why have I told myself, it’s never enough?

At first, I thought it was because I was replaying an old soundtrack that I told myself years ago, when I was in an entirely different situation…

What to do with Mother’s Day now?

Mother’s Day is a tough one. Dread seeps in to me weeks beforehand, building steadily. The thought of it drains my energy and knots my body with anxiety.

Last year, I spent the entire day before Mother’s Day in bed, sleeping, eating potato chips, and playing Candy Crush to still my heart and numb my mind. I wanted to go to bed on Saturday night and wake up to Monday morning, ready for work. A Monday work day was infinitely preferable to the terrible tomorrow ahead of me: my first Mother’s Day without my son, Tristan.

What the fuck was I to do with Mother’s Day now?..

Channelling grief into advocacy: A conversation with Leslie McBain

Sandy and I talked about grief and anger can be valuable tools when wanting to do advocacy work. (45 minutes)

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