Happy New Year, Tristan
(This article was originally published on my Facebook page, January 1, 2019.)
Happy New Year, Tristan! You missed so much in 2018, I’m not sure where to begin.
Jenn took her 1-year, and then 18-month, fob. I know you would have loved to be there for that. She got a new job and it’s shaping up to be a wonderful position with lots of opportunity. She moved in with Damyen, and they got engaged, and I’m so happy for them both. He’s a good egg. It’s heartwarming to see them together. I know you weren’t a huge fan of his when he and Jenn first started sniffing around each other, but you would have loved Damyen like a brother by now. I’m sad that never got to happen. Oh, and Ava started kindergarten this year, and Jenn is so proud of her and is such a wonderful mom. Ava’s getting so BIG!
And Tanis got a puppy! A very, very large puppy – the kind that you would have loved to have yourself. In fact, you may have been a tad bit jealous of her, but that would have faded as you spent time with Winston. I think you would have loved whipping him up and running around with him, and then brushing his fur forever. And, holy man, you would have been first in line to take Winston for walks if only to have all the Westie girls swarming around you every time they saw him! Oh, Tanis also bought her own apartment this year, but I know that’s not quite as exciting as the puppy. And got a new job too, but the jury’s still out on that one.
I took mom to England this year. You would have been super happy for both of us. It was something we always wanted, and intended, to do. Not sure why it took me so long to make it happen. I guess I thought we had all the time in the world, until you reminded us that we didn’t. And we saw Omeed! Can you imagine me and Grandma hanging out and having tea with Omeed in England? I’m so, so sorry we got to do that instead of you. That was your plan, not ours. But, since you couldn't make it, I felt honoured to spend time with your friend there.
I wandered around for a good part of the year, searching for something I never quite found. You, I think. Or maybe me, I’m not quite sure. On the one hand, I think you would have been happy for me getting a chance to travel more. On the other, you would have wanted me home. Maybe even missed me a bit. But I did finally settle into a lovely apartment by the Quay, right in the middle of so many of our happy memories. And it’s good to be home. You would have stopped by often to grab something to eat, or do laundry, like the girls do. Yes, Balloo is still kicking (he’s curled up on my lap, and purring as I write this), and he misses your brushing him and taking him for hallway walks. He doesn’t miss you randomly dragging him around so much though. He’s getting old and bony and a bit grumpy, though his fur is still kitten-soft.
I know that our lives weren’t the most important things you missed this last year. You missed your friendships and laughter and spending time with people – goofing around and having serious discussions. You missed cooking almost as much as you missed eating. You missed movies and music and seeing pretty girls. You missed working out and giving people back rubs – hey, we all missed that! You missed helping others find a better life in recovery. And being part of those lives. You missed getting stronger through recovery and finding your solid ground. It would have happened, sooner or later. You missed wherever that journey would have taken you. So many things to fill you with joy. I know you missed your life, most of all. Even though it wasn't always sunshine and roses.
Well, my love, that’s 2018 in a nutshell. I’m not really sure what your situation is, but I hope you have a good 2019. I hope you’re able to spend time proudly cheering us on, and that you don’t have to bail us out or save our skins too often. I hope you enjoy time with your friends and family who are there with you. And I hope that all those amazing musicians you share space with put on free concerts and that Anthony Bordain asks you to be his soux chef for a heavenly event! You let me know if any of that works out. You can always find me in my dreams.
I wish you were here, sweet pea – I sure do miss you! Xoxo