Why my feel-good belief in the afterlife is grounded in science

I’ve always been open-minded. The continuation of Spirit; the connection of all things through a Universal energy; the afterlife—they all seem perfectly probable to me. But I grew up in a family that worshipped science and scorned anything “other worldly”, so it’s not a viewpoint I’ve shared much. Until now.

I choose to believe in life after death in part because of the overwhelming and often inexplicable anecdotal evidence, the personal experiences I’ve had since my son died (of which I’ve had plenty), and also because of a very sound, scientifically-proven reason: it’s good for me. 

Here’s the thing: grief changes the brain. Scientific evidence proves that “grief brain” is real, and results in a slew of challenging psychological, emotional, and physical symptoms. (Interestingly, changes in the brain caused by grief are unique, and quite different from changes caused by trauma, depression, or PTSD.) In fact, grief or no grief, our routine thought patterns continually shape and reshape our brains, making our routine thoughts habitual, and creating neural pathways that reinforce those habitual thoughts until they feel like they are part of who we are. Which is never true. We can change our thinking at any time (even if it takes work), without changing who we are.

In early grief, our thoughts are often chaotic and damaging to ourselves, and sometimes others. There is no question about whether or not stress, anxiety, guilt, and other strong negative thoughts and feelings impact both psychological and physical health. Bottom line: Unhealthy thoughts contribute to unhealthy lives and bodies, particularly if we don’t find an outlet for them. Healthy thoughts contribute to healthy lives and bodies, particularly if we share them with others. And, physiologically, “hope” is a very healthy thought and feeling to embrace. Believing in the afterlife gives us hope.

When faced with the death of a significant loved one, people who believe in a loving afterlife tend to recover their emotional wellness more quickly than those who don’t. They’re more likely to develop rituals that keep their loved one close, more likely to express their grief in healthy ways, and more likely to find a new way to be in relationship with their loved one. Believers are less likely to experience depression, substance abuse, or long-term complicated grief disorders after the death of a love one. Quite simply, believing in a loving afterlife is healthy.

I don’t see my belief in the afterlife as going against science—it’s simply going where science has not yet gone. The notion of death and then “nothingness” shows a terrible lack of imagination, in my opinion! Even if we are only here on earth one time, for one split second, and then we’re nothing at all (which I don’t believe), why wouldn’t you want to fill your one life with the wonder of wondering? Why wouldn’t you try to make it the best life possible, the healthiest life possible, the most open-minded and curious life?

Many of us have had extraordinary experiences that suggest our loved ones are still with us. While some lucky few may have the psychic abilities needed to quell any doubt, most of us rely on our intuition and belief. And, for me, those can feel a bit nebulous at times. I recently had a conversation with medium, Dr. Lenore Matthew, where we discussed how to recognize signs from our loved ones who’ve passed. In the end, it’s really about seeing and experiencing things that make us think of our loved one and feel their presence. Did our loved one’s spirit really put that coin in our path, or look at us from the eyes of a blue jay? Does our loved one live on in the morning dew drops, spring flowers, warm summer breezes, or the northern lights? And does it really matter? We can’t know for sure until after we cross that bridge ourselves, but when we feel our loved one’s presence, for whatever reason, we have a connection with their spirit, with the Universal energy that lives in all things, and with ourselves. And that is undisputedly healthy.

So I will continue to believe that my son, Tristan, is watching over us, tossing down signs for me to find or—more often—miss, and is still an active part of my life, albeit in a different form. I’ll believe that I will hug him again when I die. I’ll believe it because nobody can prove that it’s not true. And because of the unequivocal, scientific fact that it’s good for me.

References:

Mary-Frances O’Connor. The Grieving Brain. HarperCollins Publishers, 2022

Carmen K. Oemig Dworsky, Kenneth I. Pargament, Serena Wong, Julie J. Exline. Suppressing spiritual struggles: The role of experiential avoidance in mental health. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 2016.

Kevin J. Flannelly, Christopher Ellison, Kathleen Galek, Nava R. Silton. Belief in Life-After-Death and Psychiatrc Symptoms. The Journal of religion and health, 2012